Yard Sale Rage

A 70-year-old California man is facing charges after things got out of hand at a yard sale. Tuolumne County authorities said Jon Joslin was arrested on suspicion of assault with a deadly weapon after he hit another man over the head with a cornbread pan on Friday. Police said Joslin hit the fellow shopper with a five-pound, cast iron pan to prevent him from getting to the sale first. Apparently, the two men arrived early at the yard sale and were walking up a long driveway when police said Joslin first attempted to trip 64-year-old Joseph Brown. Brown suffered a cut on his head but refused medical treatment.

‘Brownie Bandit’ Busted

Police in Gonzales, Louisiana, have arrested the suspected “Brownie Bandit,” a man accused of repeatedly breaking into a bakery, stealing freshly baked brownies and leaving behind crumbs and broken windows. Police said Jamon Simoneaux, 18, had a bag full of brownies when he was busted Thursday inside Jumonville’s Bakery. Bakery owner Lynn Jumonville called police after the cost of broken windows and screens began to grow. He said the burglar would break in about 8:30 or 9 p.m. Police booked Simoneaux on six counts of simple burglary and four for simple criminal damage to property. Lynn estimates Simoneaux took about 12 dozen brownies and about two dozen sugar cookies.

Baloney Drug Shipment

A hunk of bologna mailed to a home in Holyoke, Massachusetts, delivered cocaine instead of cold cuts. Authorities confiscated $100,000 worth of coke hidden inside hollowed-out meat mailed from Puerto Rico. Narcotics detectives, FBI agents and a U.S. Postal Service inspector executed a federal warrant and raided the home on Thursday. Juan Rodriguez was arrested and charged with trafficking cocaine.

Injury Faker Busted

A New York City woman has been arrested for allegedly faking an injury after a light pole knocked down by a truck missed whacking her. Sherin Brown, 23, was walking on a Brooklyn street Friday when an out-of-control truck hit the pole. The poll fell but did not hit Brown. As police responded to the scene, a surveillance camera caught Brown, unharmed, lying down on the ground near the light fixture. She told officials she was injured after being hit by the pole. She was taken to a hospital for an examination, and then arrested after police viewed the surveillance tape.

Pranksters Put TARDIS On MIT Roof

Pranksters at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology placed a replica of a famous time machine on the roof of a campus building. The prank involved the TARDIS, an old-style British police call box used for time travel on the long-running sci-fi program “Doctor Who,” being placed atop Building 7 on campus late Wednesday or early Thursday. The prank was part of a campus tradition known as “hacking,” which hacks.mit.edu defines as perpetrating a “clever, benign and ‘ethical’ prank or practical joke, which is both challenging for the perpetrators and amusing to the MIT community.”

Buy The White House

Federal regulators are selling a 13,000-square-foot replica of the White House in Lawrenceville, Georgia, that includes a drive-thru window. The southern White House, formerly a bank, is being sold by the Federal Deposit Insurance Corp., which takes over failed banks. It’s a step down from the actual White House, however. “There’s no bowling alley or Lincoln bedroom,” real estate agent David Walmsley said. The former bank sits in a commercial district, which means it will likely attract a business that “wants to project a patriotic image,” Walmsley added.

Shakespeare In Klingon

An acting troupe plans to perform Shakespeare in Klingon. During its annual benefit set for September 25th, the Washington Shakespeare Company in Arlington, Virginia, will perform selections from “Hamlet” and “Much Ado About Nothing” in both English and the language invented for Klingon characters of the “Star Trek” films. The effort was inspired by a line spoken by English actor David Warner in “Star Trek VI,” in which his Klingon character declares, “You have not experienced Shakespeare until you have read him in the original Klingon.” A group in Pennsylvania calling itself the Klingon Language Institute is responsible for the translation.

No Show Worker Canned

City officials in Norfolk, Virginia, have fired a worker who’s been collecting a paycheck and benefits for 12 years without ever working. The employee, who had been on the payroll of the community services board, wasn’t named. The board provides medication, counseling and psychiatric services to about 6,000 people. The agency’s 300 employees have an average salary of about $35,000. The board is an independent agency, receiving funding from the city, state and federal governments.

Kangaroo Testicles? YUMMY!

In a remote Serbian mountain village, they’re cooking up delicious, mouth-watering kangaroo testicles at the seventh annual World Testicle Cooking Championships. The food – politely called “White kidneys” in Serbian – is believed to be rich in testosterone. In the Balkans, it is considered to help men’s libido. Organizers say bull testicles are the best, but they think kangaroo testicles have the potential to be a top seller. The festival includes dishes like testicle pizza and testicle sandwiches.

Man Nabbed With Fake $1 Million Bills

Talk about an idiot. A man from the Ivory Coast is in jail in Abu Dhabi after allegedly persuading a woman to try to exchange two phone $1 million bills at a bank. Police say the suspect promised the woman a 30% cut after the bills were traded – presumably for U.S. bills. The suspect was identified in press reports Sunday only by the initials A.B. The phony notes features the $1 portrait of George Washington and are mostly black and white on the front.

Couple Picks Up Car That Mysteriously Had An Additional 724 Miles On It

A couple who left their car parked in a long-term lot near Kennedy Airport during a trip to California are trying to figure out what their car has been doing without them. Mimi and Ulrich Gurhart said their car odometer reading jumped 724 miles while they were out of town. Another surprise: when they returned to the car and started it up, a music CD came on full volume. Airport authorities have no idea what happened.

Pastor Jailed Over Mistaken ID

A series of unfortunate coincidences led to a case of mistaken identity that put a Louisiana pastor behind bars for nearly eight hours. Gregory Jones, pastor at Eden Worship Center, was pulled over for speeding and arrested as a man wanted for violating parole in Texas. The minister not only had the same name as the wanted man, but the same date of birth – and a Texas driver’s license. So he wound up cuffed and taken to a Shreveport jail. He was released after officials did a more thorough check.

Trashed Backpack Sets Off Bomb Scare

Police in Pittsburgh said a bomb scare was set off by a harmless backpack left behind by a homeless man who pulled it from the trash. The bomb squad was called in August 18th to investigate a pink backpack hanging from a sign outside The Pennsylvanian building. Several downtown streets were closed amid rush hour traffic until George Morris, 62, approached officers and told them he had taken the backpack from a trash can and left it on the sign in case anyone wanted it or its contents – a doll and some business cards. Officers cited Morris for disorderly conduct.

Tongue Twisting Horse Race

A pair of dueling horses left an announcer at a New Jersey racetrack sounding more like a confused idiot. Track announcer Larry Collmus noticed “Mywifenosevrything” and “Thewifedoesntknow” on the card for Sunday’s seventh race at Monmouth Park in Oceanport, but he didn’t realize what he was in for. Collmus found himself in the middle of a spousal argument and described the action this way: “Mywifenosevrything. Thewifedoesntknow. They’re one-two. Of course they are!” At the finish he exclaimed: “Mywifenosevrything more than Thewifedoesntknow. Whew!” Larry’s call of the race has since gone viral on YouTube. Mywifenosevrything is trained by a woman, while a man trains Thewifedoesntknow.

Fighting Cyber Addiction In The Crapper

A New York comedian said he’s spending five days barricaded in his bathroom to kick his addiction to the Internet. Mark Malkoff said he is filming his quest to spend five days offline in the potty and the video will be available to watch September 12th at www.MyDamnChannel.com. Malkoff said his attempt is proving to be difficult on his wife. “Initially she went to Starbucks to go to the bathroom, because we only have one in our apartment,” he said. “But today she came in and used the toilet while I wore earplugs and hid behind the shower curtain.”

Man Shoots Computer Server

Police in Salt Lake City arrested a mortgage company employee who drunkenly opened fire on his company’s computer server. Investigators said RANLife Home Loans employee Joshua Lee Campbell used his .45-caliber automatic to open fire on the company’s $100,000 computer server while drunk on August 12th. Campbell called police and told officers the damage was done by someone who stole his gun. However, police said co-workers of Campbell told investigators he had been talking earlier in the evening about wanting to shoot the server. Campbell was charged with a felony count of criminal mischief and misdemeanor counts of carrying a dangerous weapon while under the influence, providing false information to police and public intoxication.

Man Gets $172 Million Tax Bill

The Internal Revenue Service sent a $172 million tax bill to a man who worked as a day trader in New York for less than a year. Friends said Marcos Esparza Bofill, who has since returned to his native Spain, received a $172,101,056.48 bill for his unfiled 2006 tax return. Friends said Bofill was shocked because he wasn’t even making any money as a trader. A tax expert said the number was likely from the total amount of trades he made instead of the amount of profit he make from the trades, which is common for unfiled returns.

Stuck Ranger Skydiver

A U.S. Army skydiver found himself high and outside in at the Rangers Ballpark Tuesday. The soldier’s parachutist got tangled in a flagpole during a pregame jump in Arlington, Texas. The Rangers say the soldier was able to unbuckle himself from the chute and dropped a few feet to the scoreboard. The rest of the Golden Knights diving team landed on the field as planned.

Shooting Prank

Police in Roswell, New Mexico, have charged a group of people in an elaborate shooting prank. According to authorities, four people staged a fight outside of a grocery store. As the supposed fight escalated, Nevada Smith fired blanks from a real gun. Ketchup was used as fake blood and the “victim’s” limp body was loaded into the back of a pickup. Police say some hysterical witnesses thought the shooting was real and called 911. Police say three of the four pranksters involved in the Saturday incident have been arrested and the fourth, reportedly out of town, is expected to turn himself in when he returns.

Settlement Reached In Condom Soup Case

A California man who says he ordered French onion soup and bit into a condom instead of melted cheese has settle his lawsuit against the Claim Jumper restaurant chain. The terms of yesterday’s settlement were not disclosed. Both sides say in a statement the deal indicates no admission of liability by either party.