Teacher Arrested For TWD (Teaching While Drunk)

A Southern California school teacher has been arrested for allegedly teaching while drunk. Toro Canyon Middle School teacher Tonya Neff was taken to jail Tuesday afternoon and booked for investigation of felony child endangerment. Administrators at the school told police that the 47-year-old teacher was apparently intoxicated while on campus. Police said Neff had taken prescription drugs and alcohol and an alcoholic beverage was found inside a container. Neff has been placed on leave.

Really Bad Bogus Bills Seized

Police in Des Moines, Iowa, said some counterfeit money showing up in the area isn’t just bad – it’s really bad. More than $6,000 in fake cash has been seized so far. The counterfeit money was made by bleaching $5 bills and printing $100 on them. A weak image of Abraham Lincoln could be seen on one fake $100 that covered only half the sheet. Another $100 bill had Ben Franklin on both sides. Three people have been arrested in the alleged forgery ring.

Woman Takes Plane On A Joyride

A Santa Rosa, California, woman was arrested for allegedly stealing her landlord’s airplane, then abandoning it in a field after it ran out of gas. Authorities said the 27-year-old woman had access to the Piper Cherokee because she had been borrowing it for piloting lessons. But she allegedly took the plane without permission Tuesday from a hangar at the Sonoma County Airport. Police said she landed it in a Modoc County ranch field when she ran out of gas. She then hiked to a nearby hotel to spend the night. Curious residents called authorities about the abandoned plane, and deputies arrested the woman the next morning on suspicion of grand theft and aircraft theft.

Tough Ol’ Bird Finishes Shift After Being Punched

A 91-year-old New York pharmacy cashier refused medical attention and went back to work after a thief punched her. Florence Critelli grabbed the man’s hand and screamed when he reached over and grabbed cash from the register at the Rite Aid in East Northport on Long Island. He punched her in the chest, knocking her down, before fleeing. “He hit me good,” Critelli said. However, she refused to leave work early, saying she didn’t want to just “sit there and be bored.” Then, after finishing her shift last Thursday, she insisted on driving herself home. Critelli, who has seven grandchildren and 13 great-grandchildren, said if police catch the guy, she wants to “smack him.”

Bridesmaid’s Dress Stolen

Police and members of a wedding party are looking for a bridesmaid’s dress that was stolen from a car in Wilmington, Delaware, just hours before the wedding. The theft happened sometime between 9:00 a.m. and noon Friday as a bride and bridesmaid were at a salon getting ready for the wedding, scheduled for 5:30 p.m. When the women returned to the car, they discovered someone had stolen the pink dress and a bag of accessories. The vehicle had no damage and it is believed the suspects overrode the self-locking mechanism to the car. Irini’s Originals made some alternations to a sample dress and saved the day. Police are still looking for the stolen gown.

Funeral Home Van Towed With Body Inside

A police tow truck removed a minivan parked outside a New York City funeral home, giving its dearly departed passenger an unexpected side trip. An NYPD spokesman said there was “nothing to indicate it was more than just an illegally parked car.” Redden’s Funeral Home director Paul DeNigris said a windshield placard had fallen flat and the van’s tinted windows obscured the white cardboard box that held the remains. When DeNigris discovered the van missing last Monday, he rushed to the tow pound, where he discreetly explained the circumstances and got the van back. He also got the body to an airport in time for a scheduled flight to Miami. The people at the pound were kind enough to drop the $185 towing fee, but could do little about the $150 parking ticket, which DeNigris plans to fight because a funeral vehicle transporting a body is immune to parking regulations.

Man Too Drunk For DUI Sentencing

Authorities in Papillion, Nebraska, said a 30-year-old-man showed up so drunk for his sentencing for drunken driving that he now faces even more time behind bars. Jason Botos was driven to the courthouse on Thursday by his father, who needed help from deputies to get his son out of the vehicle. Prosecutor Ben Perlman said Botos was so drunk he couldn’t attend the hearing, so the judge issued a warrant. Deputies arrested Botos in the parking lot. Another hearing is set for tomorrow.

Busty Money Bust In Washington

Spokane County deputies arrested a three-person fraud team on Friday that had been going from bank to bank, stealing thousands of dollars using counterfeit Oregon driver’s licenses and inactive, counterfeit or stolen credit cards. Corey Jones, Lukeisha A. Harris and Elicionne L. Washington were booked on one count each of first-degree theft. Harris, who is described as six-feet-tall and 400 pounds, reportedly had just under $26,000 and several bank receipts hidden in her bra when searched during the booking-in process.

Thank God For The Packers!

Jim Becker of Racine, Wisconsin, was named the 12th member of the Green Bay Packers Fan Hall of Fame at Packers Fan Fest on Friday. Becker, a longtime season ticketholder who attended every game from 1952 through 2008, saw his first game in 1941 when he was 11. Becker, 79, says his Packer’s passion even helped save his life. He and his wife raised 11 kids, so money was tight. To afford his season tickets without taking money from his family, he began selling his blood. His doctor later found that Becker’s father died at age 43 of a condition in which the blood retains too much iron. The only treatment is to remove the iron by giving blood. By that time Becker had sold 145 pints to pay for his season tickets. He says if he hadn’t, he too may have died young.

Detroit Workers Told To Lay Off The Cologne

Employees of the city of Detroit will soon be urged not to wear perfume, cologne or aftershave as a result of a settlement in a federal lawsuit. Officials plan to place warning placards in three city buildings. The signs will warn workers to avoid “wearing scented products, including…colognes, aftershave lotions, perfumes, deodorants, body/face lotions… (and) the use of scented candles, perfume samples from magazines, spray or solid air fresheners.” The employee handbook and Americans with Disabilities Act training also will bear the warnings. The move stems from a $100,000 settlement in a federal lawsuit filed in 2008 by a city employee who said a colleague’s perfume made it challenging for her to do her job.

Wee! Naked Woman Found Tied To Tree

Several police officers responded to a 911 report of a naked woman tied to a tree in Point Defiance Park in Tacoma, Washington. Authorities said officers talked with the woman and a man Tuesday and determined it was a “consensual rendezvous.” No one was arrested.

Woman In Hot Water For Throwing Coffee At Meter Maid

Police in Brookline, Massachusetts, said a Rhode Island woman threw hot coffee on a parking enforcement officer for issuing her a $25 parking ticket. Police said Krystle Charley, 23, approached Officer Claire MacPherson, 64, Tuesday while the veteran officer was filling out a ticket for the suspect’s Jeep, which was parked at an expired meter. MacPherson explained the situation to Charley and the woman responded by throwing her $1.85 cup of java. Charley then got into her vehicle and drove away. Cops caught up with Charley while she was sitting on a park bench with a friend. She was arrested and charged with assault and battery with a dangerous weapon. She was released Tuesday evening after posting $40 bail. MacPherson, who was not scalded, finished her shift with soggy trousers, even though she was given the option of taking the rest of the day off.

Atheists Offer College Students Porn For Their Bibles

A college atheist group is offering students pornography in exchange for Bibles. Atheist Agenda calls the exchange “Smut for Smut,” prompting prayers and protests from Christian students at the University of Texas San Antonio campus. University officials say the atheist group has the right to conduct the swap. UTSA spokesman David Gabler says, “As long as students are not violating laws or violating the Constitution, they have the freedom of speech and assembly.”

Fake Head Injures Foot, Ruins Sex

A New York woman’s lawsuit against a wig store claims a falling mannequin head injured her foot, while her husband’s suit says his sex life suffered as a result. Germaine Bowman McDonald, 40, said a plastic mannequin head fell while she was trying on a hairpiece at Baobob. The object also caused serious nerve damage in her foot. The suit alleges negligence on the part of Baobob for failing to keep the premises “free of dangerous, hazardous, unsafe, trap-like and defective conditions.” A separate claim against the store filed by McDonald’s husband, Dean, claims his wife’s injury has damaged his sex life.

Teacher On Leave Over Wiccan Altar

An Iowa high school teacher has been placed on paid leave after telling a student he couldn’t build a Wiccan altar in shop class. Guthrie Center High School industrial arts teacher Dale Halferty says he wouldn’t allow the student to practice his religion during class time. Halferty says he previously told another student he couldn’t build a cross in shop class because he believes in separation of church and state. District officials placed Halferty on leave while they confer with the school’s attorney.

Croissant Sets Off Bomb Scare

Authorities in St. Petersburg, Florida, said a suspicious package that sparked the evacuation of a building contained a croissant. Police received a report before lunchtime of a suspicious paper bag propped against a door at a building that houses courtrooms and several other government offices. Guards at the building said the bag set off their metal detector and more than 70 people were evacuated from the facility. However, the Tampa Bay Regional Bomb Squad discovered the package contained nothing more than a croissant. Investigators said it was unclear why the package set off the metal detector and it was unknown whether the bread was wrapped in metal foil.

Claustrophobic Deputy Tries To Shoot His Way Out Of Cell

A claustrophobic Kentucky deputy lost his job after accidentally locking himself in a jail cell and trying to shoot his way out. Adair County Sheriff Ralph Curry said no one was hurt when Charles Wright fired his weapon. It happened Monday, the first day a new $12.4 million county judicial center was open to the public. Curry says the former deputy has claustrophobia and has agreed to pay for the damage he did to the cell.

Patients Try To Keep Appointment With Jailed Doctor

Patients of a northern Kentucky psychiatrist jailed on a charge he stabbed a woman with a sword have tried to keep appointments with him while he’s behind bars. Kenton County jail Chief Deputy Scott Colvin said officers have had to turn away several patients of Douglas Rank, who was charged last month with first-degree assault in an attack on a 32-year-old woman. Colvin said some patients have asked if they could drop off Rank’s prescription pad at the jail so he could write their prescriptions. The requests have been denied.

Man Violates Probation To Appear On ‘Springer’

A North Carolina man’s 15 minutes of fame cost him 72 hours of jail time. Richard Peterson was sentenced to three days in jail for violating probation by leaving the state to appear on “The Jerry Springer Show.” Peterson’s probation officer spotted him on the show, which is taped in Connecticut. Peterson and his girlfriend got an all-expenses-paid trip to appear on “Springer,” where he boasted about a one-night stand with a stripper. A video clip shows Peterson running around the stage dodging swings from his girlfriend. While the couple fought, the stripper twirled around a pole. The stripper and Peterson’s girlfriend then turned on each other. Peterson was on probation for possession of marijuana and resisting an officer. He was thrown back in jail yesterday and hit with a $161 fine.

Woman Pleads Guilty In Hammer Attack On Husband

A 37-year-old Salt Lake City woman admitted hitting her husband in the head with a hammer three years ago after blindfolding him and promising a “surprise.” Amy Teresa Ricks pleaded guilty to second-degree felony aggravated assault on Tuesday. Prosecutors agreed to reduce the conviction to a third-degree felony after Ricks completes probation. They also agreed to let her seek expunging of the crime after seven years. Sentencing is set for April 19th. Ricks’ husband suffered minor injuries in the May 2007 attack. Ricks’ defense attorney says the two are still married but separated.